Just Another Day...

• I woke up early to do some AM Yoga. Boy - I am so not flexible, but it felt good.


• Quinn had a good day at school today (after a few weeks of having a hard time). I think it put him into a good mood for the rest of the day.


• A speech therapist came to evaluate Liam to make sure he doesn't need early intervention. Within a few minutes she told me he probably wouldn't qualify. No kidding - the kid never stops talking. (A few months ago he was evaluated and the therapist couldn't decide if he needed services or not - he was right on the border. I decided, with the team of therapists that evaluated him, to just give him time. And it worked - score one for good parenting choices!)


• I managed to do 4 loads of laundry - start to finish - even the last load.


• The boys played so well together before dinner - they were pretending to go to sleep in our big bed. Quinn helped Liam climb up there by getting the step stool out of the bathroom.


• It was bath night and Quinn stripped his clothes off right after dinner and then proceding to run around the house with his spider underwear on pretending to be Superman. He decided to put on his slippery socks so he could slide in the hallway. Awesome.


• While I was getting the bath ready Quinn helped Liam take his clothes off. I loved listening to him talk him through the process. "Okay, Liam. Now let's get your other arm out. There you go...."


• The boys played nicely together in the tub. I was planning on letting Liam stay up a bit late and leave him in the tub a bit longer than normal.


• But then he did it again.


• I saw him stand up and start to squat. "Oh no, Liam! No poop in the tub!" And I lifted him out and onto the toilet only to hear Quinn tell me, "It's too late, Mommy. I saw a big splash. He already pooped." And that he did.


• So, the tub evacuation of toys and boys took place. We cleaned the tub out and then gave the boys quick showers (because I always save their hair for last).


• Now the toys are soaking in the sink with a mixture of bleach and water. And the boys are sleeping in their beds with clean sheets.


• Before Quinn's stories tonight he wanted to play doctor instead of doing a puzzle or a game (his normal routine). I was the nurse, he was the doctor, and all the stuffed animals were sick. I think they all caught it from Miss Piggy. Anyway, it was fun - Quinn was cracking me up because after I'd get the animal checked in and weighed I'd have to tell the animal, "The doctor is very busy, so you might have to wait." And then Quinn would make us wait. This kid knows how doctor's work.


• Bedtime was, once again, amazing. Different than last time, but still, amazing.

Just another day in the life of me. That's all. (sorry if this bores you - this post is definitely more of a journal entry than anything.) Sometimes it's really hard parenting these two boys. But not today, today I actually thought, hey - I could have another baby. I can handle this. This isn't so bad. Of course that was literally seconds before Liam pooped in the tub. Sort of like the mother at work who told me, "yeah, having four kids seemed like a really good idea over the summer when my husband (who teaches) was home and helping with the parenting. Now I'm wondering what I was thinking?"

Happy Monday!

Come on! Enjoy your day - enjoy your week - enjoy!

Weekly Winners - 3/26/09

We went to the park, can you tell?

Swing!

Help Me Plan Our Vacation

Okay - so here's our options.

Option 1: Visit CA over spring break next year. Ours falls the week before Easter - we'd fly out Friday night and stay until Friday night or Saturday before Easter. While in CA we would visit Disneyland for 2 or 3 days, my friend Shellie in a suburb of LA, and possibly drive up to Santa Barbara to go whale watching.

Option 2: Visit the Pacific Northwest over spring break. Specifically - stay near Dan, Leah, and Christie. What would we do, people? Your pictures are beautiful - it seems like a kid friendly enough area. How's the weather there in March?

Option 3: Drive down to Florida and camp at DisneyWorld. We would borrow my brother's pop-up or get our own. We'd leave June 2nd - which is my last day of work next year - if there are no snow days! We'd stay for about 2 weeks. My concerns - will it be too hot to camp? What if there's a snow day? I'd have to wait until April to book it to make sure there are no snow days to count.

Option 4: Visit my friend in Texas over spring break. It'll be warm there, right?

Part of me really likes Option 3, because it involves Disney World - and more time to vacation. A drive down with a 3 and 5 year old? Can't be that bad if I borrow a portable DVD player, right? We'd take it slow, too. But like I said, it'll be hot - and we just went to DisneyWorld.

I've got friends all around this country - part of me feels like I should be visiting them before they all decide to move back to Illinois.

Also, I think I really do need to have a warm vacation to look forward to during the winter months.

So - what do you think? Should I come visit you instead???

Things That Annoy Me.

• Car dealerships that advertise, "Can't get a loan anywhere else? You can here!"
• Pessimists
• Children not being allowed to play tag at recess.
• Processed foods claiming to be healthy.
• Store credit cards.

What annoys you?

34 years ago

Almost 34 years ago a pregnant mother was rushed to the hospital 5 weeks before her due date and then rushed to an emergency c-section.

She was warned that her son would probably always need extra help. Special classes. She was told not to get her hopes up.

Since then, her son has received two bachelor degrees. One in physics and one in engineering. The only special classes he ever needed were those for the gifted students.

He's managed to earn 4 US patents for his work on engines. A black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

Not only that, but he also managed to find himself a pretty awesome wife. And have two healthy boys.



Thank goodness that there exists a group that provides comfort and information to families with a newborn in intensive care.

Tips and Tricks: Talking About Death

Perhaps the worst thing we can do as parents is to avoid the topic of death with our children. Eventually, like it or not, somebody (or some pet) that your child knows and/or loves will die. That's just the way it works.

Before your child needs to experience this first hand, it is important for them to be familiar about the topic of death and what it actually means. This can be accomplished through songs, books, and even movies (careful - some Disney movies make it seem as if somebody is dead, but then, voila! a spell is broken and they are fine, just fine. This can be very confusing for a child.).

Here are some terms for helping children understand death. (I only suggest only using these terms if a child starts asking questions. There is no need to sit down for dinner tonight and talk about death - unless of course, you've just read a book where somebody or some pet dies and your child is curious.)

Physical death - death of a body; the body stops walking, doesn't eat, doesn't hurt, doesn't poop anymore.

If somebody in your child's life does die, it's important to:

• use the word "Dead". Make sure you do not say "lost" or "past on"
• make sure the child knows the person that died doesn't hurt.
• make sure they know the following - death is irreversible, permanent, painless
• let/encourage your child to ask questions
• have books about death and be sure to have read them already (list below)
• let children participate in closure/help set up ending practices
• allow children to grieve in their own way
• share feelings with your child (it's OKAY to be sad in front of children)
• provide support for your child
• maintain the child's daily routine
• death can be a celebration
• remember it is not the age of the child when deciding if the child should attend a funeral service, but rather the relationship between the child and the deceased.
• answer honestly when asked if you are going to die. "No, I'm not going to die right now."
• establish memories ("This is the first birthday since your father died.")

Talk about death before it happens. Some people avoid books where people or pets die - I seek them out. One of Quinn's favorite books is "Tough Boris". It's a great little book about a tough pirate - who's so tough, but then his parrot dies, and the pirate cries, and cries, and cries. He was familiar with this book before our dog died and asked me to read it many times afterwards. Here's a list of other books that are appropriate for young children.

• Tough Boris - Mem Fox
• Wilfred Gordon MacDonald Partridge - Mem Fox
• Sophie - Mem Fox
• You Hold Me and I'll Hold You - Jo Carson
• Old Pig - Margaret Will
• Go Tell Aunt Rhody - Aliki
• Everett Anderson's Goodbye - Lucille Clifton
• Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs - Tomie dePaola
• Miss Tizzy - Libba Moore Gray
• Remember Me - Margaret Wild
• Still My Grandma - V. Van Den abbeete
• The Goodbye Boat - Mary Joslin

As well as reading, there are many songs that talk about death. One of my personal favorites is "Go Tell Aunt Rhody". Sometimes Quinn will ask me to sing that one to him as I'm tucking him into bed.

Children's Understanding of Death (stages)

Stage I (ages 2-4) - At this stage children don't believe death is final. It is temporary and reversible. They attempt to equate it with something they know (sleep, parents going on vacation, etc.) They are more interested in what death means right now (person is never coming bac) rather than how it happened.

Stage II (ages 4 - 10) - Children at this stage understand that everything that lives will die, although they may or may not apply this to themselves. This is fine and normal. They play many imaginary games like ghost, superheroes, and role play in an attempt to understand death and to deal with their fears. Children will often play dead and pretend to have funerals and other practices (if they are familiar with this).

Stage II (ages 10...) - At this stage, children understand that death is personal, inevitable, universal and final. They may have fears related to this understanding. At all ages, part of the fear of death, for children, is that they will be separated from their parents.

*Much of this information was gathered from workshops given by Tom Hunter and Bev Bos. And for any of my readers in Southern California, Bev Bos is an amazing women, with an amazing preschool in Roseville. I encourage you to check it out, fall in love, and sign up for the waiting list.

Aha!

I knew there was a reason I was looking forward to Quinn being able to read.

Now we've just got to work on changing diapers and making lunches.

Weekly Winners - 4/19/09

Why I Love Blackberry Messenger

Yesterday, while I was at work, the following conversation took place between Mike and I on our respective Blackberries.

Cathy: Can we eat at 415ish. I gotta take tuck to the vet
Cathy: Pork????
Mike: Uh chicken. Or it will go bad. We can make it bbq though
Cathy: Fine chicken.
Mike: (smiley face icon)
Cathy: (tongue sticking out icon)
Cathy: I need some poop from tuck
Mike: So go get some
Mike: (tongue sticking out icon)

So - I got home around 4:10 and realized dinner was no where near being ready. When I asked Mike what was up he said, "You never told me you needed to eat early." Aha! Enter the blackberry, where it saves your conversations until you delete them. Proof! Finally. For the past 8 years we've the following conversation whenever Mike didn't remember something. He'd say, "You never told me." I'd say, "I'm pretty sure I did." BUT, I never had proof like I do now.

*blackberry messenger is a free service between blackberry users - it's sort of like text messenging, faster. And free for us.

The thing about this internet is - you learn too much.

In the past week I've read about a 17 month old dying from issues related to prematurity, a 4 month old suddenly dying (could it have been SIDS?), and a father whose wife died just 27 hours after giving birth to their beautiful daughter.

I was only following one of those blogs - The Spohrs are Multiplying - the rest I heard about via twitter.

But that's not it. I've "met" people suffering from cancer, read about mothers dying from cancer, learned of children fighting for their lives with cancer.

I think Mike was trying to make me feel better, by saying, "even if you don't read about it, Cathy, people are suffering everywhere."

It didn't really help.

Today, I'm wearing purple in honor of Maddie.
Today, I'm thinking of Maddie and Thalon's families.
Today, I'm going to hug my kids a few extra times.
Today, I will not be visiting twitter.
Today, I am taking a break.

I just wish the sun would come out today.

Happy Monday - The Easter Edition

Our Own Little Miracle

The advances they continue to make in the medical field are amazing. A few weeks ago one of my grandma's had a severe stroke. We really thought she wasn't going to make it. They performed a new procedure on her and asked my mother-in-law to write about the experience, to document the procedure from the view point of a family member. My mother-in-law is amazing with words and I asked her if I could share her story here. And with her permission, here it is:

The procedure they did on Grandma is less then a year old and they are documenting it for evaluation and promotion. They hope to get the word out in the health community about it's availability and potential. Doctor who preformed the procedure asked that we allow a case study of Grandma. He said they present at various medical development studies and meetings as well as in papers. What he also asked for was a written perspective on the patient/family side of this issue. He said they can all talk about the clinical, medical aspect, but when presenting it helps to have an actual account of the procedure as experienced by the family. To that end, this is what I wrote. Thought it would also bring you up to date as to where we are.

The nurse who called me at work told me my mom was found unresponsive and was being sent to the ER. To a lay person, unresponsive has an unclear meaning. I thought perhaps comatose; I was not prepared for what I found at the emergency room. The cubicle that held my mom was cold and there on the gurney was my very frail 85 year old mother. Her face was slack and when she breathed air puffed from the right corner of her mouth. Her right eye was rolled upwards and her left eye pulled completely to the left. When I drew her hand to mine there was no movement or response. I talked loudly to her and tried to believe that the movement I saw in her left eye was acknowledgement that she heard me. The doctors questioned this. It quickly became apparent that she had experienced a major stroke on the left side of the brain affecting the right side of her body and portions of the left. She could not speak, stick out her tongue, follow an object with either eye, or move either foot or leg. Her right arm had no response, but when they lifted her left arm she was able to hold it there a few seconds. Hopeful that was reason enough to be positive, I looked to the team making the assessment and one said “Twenty-five?” and the other said “I agree.” I soon came to understand that strokes are ranked from one to twenty-five, with twenty-five being the most severe. All that I could think to do was to stand at my Mom’s left side, stroke her cheek and talk loudly into her left ear hoping to comfort her if she had any awareness of what was going on.

Mom had suffered an unwitnessed stroke. She had broken a hip 6 weeks earlier and was rehabbing at a nursing home. The doctors called and upon questioning the staff they determined that she was last seen lucid three and one half hours ago. The window of opportunity for administering TPA had passed. That drug which has the potential for dissolving blood clots could only be given within the first 3 hours after a stroke, or there was a chance it could do more harm then good. I was now presented with the only other alternative. Mom could be transferred via ambulance to Alexian Brothers Medical Center where they have a stroke trauma unit. There she would undergo a procedure known as a thrombectomy. During this procedure doctors would do an angiogram to find where the blood clot was in her brain and then using the Penumbra device the clot would be removed, allowing blood to again flow to the affected areas hopefully in time to limit permanent damage. This device had only been in use for approximately a year. The only other choice was to do nothing and see what the end result was and go from there. Mom had been through quite a bit in the last 2 months with several complications after the hip surgery and we, her family, certainly did not want to put her through any more painful procedures especially if the outcome seemed weighted against success.

In the flurry of activity, I was confused by what was being suggested and at first thought this involved brain surgery. When I received a detailed explanation by Doctor Marden, who would perform the task I realized that she would have general anesthesia, and that this was similar to a cardiac angiogram which we were familiar with. This allayed our fears and we realized that although it offered an unsure outcome the procedure was not extremely risky or painful. It also offered the possibility of even reversing some of the damage already apparent. I signed for it to be done and she was rushed to the stroke trauma unit. There we were warmly and compassionately greeted, assessed of her situation and assured that we would be kept informed. We were updated that she was handling the procedure well and then approximately three hours later we escorted her to ICU.

She was on a breathing tube that would be kept in until the next day. The angiogram found a blood clot in one of the major arteries of the brain and using the Penumbra System, they were able to remove it. Doing that restored blood flow to all but a very small area of the brain. That area could possibly be feed by alternative blood vessels, and even if not, would be considered a very small consequence. Now we were told she needed to rest after the assault on her body by the stroke.

Paramedics had taken her to the first hospital at 9AM and now at 8PM we left her, unaware if she heard our goodbyes or felt our kisses.

The next morning I arrived in ICU to a smiling nurse and jubilant Doctor. Mom’s bed was raised up and as I entered she turned slightly to look at me. TO LOOK AT ME! Both eyes focused on me. The nurse asked do you know who this is and she said Daughter. She spoke, she understood! She was able to move all extremities. She could move her tongue side to side. She knew her name and where she was. Less then twenty-four hours after the procedure she was now rated an eleven. There was some confusion and tangling of words when trying to communicate, but we could decipher it. Most importantly she was Mom again. She knew her children were there and she could see our joy in her dramatic turnaround. We watched with wonder as each test administered brought amazing results.

The next day she was transferred again, this time to a regular room and when asked the same question 4 different ways by the neurology nurse testing her, she answered correctly then looked at me and rolled her eyes as if to question the memory of the nurse. Late that afternoon the result of all her tests came back and she now was ranked at a Zero! Being ranked a zero never had a better connotation! She was soon discharged back to the nursing home where the attending staff was in awe of her recovery. Several called it miraculous. After we helped get her settled in it was clear she needed to rest so we said goodnight, this time comforted by her words of goodbye, and with unquestioning knowledge that she felt our kisses.

Amazing, isn't it?

Imagine

The fear is always there. I think it just comes with parenting.
But the fear of losing your child - always with me.

Both of my babies were born at full-term. Healthy baby boys. Yet, that fear, the fear of your baby becoming so sick their life ends too soon, is always with me.

For me, this seems to be an irrational fear. But for some, it's reality.

Imagine needing over 20 ultrasounds during your pregnancy.

Imagine being put on strict bed-rest just 15 weeks into your pregnancy.

Imagine setting a goal of making it to 30 weeks of your pregnancy (10 weeks early).

Imagine going in for a routine check up, only to find you are in labor and you need to deliver your baby 5 weeks early.

Imagine checking out of the hospital and having to say goodbye to your baby, who will be spending the next few days, weeks, or months in the NICU.

Now imagine a group whose mission is to support research offering preventions and solutions for babies born too soon or with birth defects.

Imagine a group that educates women on things they can do to increase their chances of having a healthy baby.

Imagine a group that strives to provide comfort and information to families with a newborn in intensive care.

Imagine a group that pushes for newborn screening and health insurance for all pregnant women and children.

Now, imagine me walking just over 6 miles to support this group and imagine yourself supporting me in my efforts to raise funds.

Stop imagining - I will be walking and am asking you to please support me in my walk for the March of Dimes.

Miracles

Soon, I will be sharing a story of how Grandma was saved by a very new procedure that is used after a stroke.

Seven years ago my nephew was born a few weeks early. He had to spend about a week in the NICU. He was the tiniest baby I've ever seen - weighing just over or under five pounds. My memory of this is fading. I do remember my sister-in-law used to have to undress him to wake him up every three hours to be sure he kept eating on schedule. Now, he's in first grade and amazes me every time I see him.

A few years ago at work a fellow teacher and I were amazed that a girl in her class weighed only 1 pound at birth. One pound, people! That is amazing.

Tuesday morning I met a little girl, Evelyn, who at four months old had just doubled her birth weight and weighed *almost* 10 pounds! She was tiny. She was adorable! And her parents were in awe of her abilities.

Almost 17 months ago a little girl was born. The pregnancy was complicated, the delivery an emergency c-section, and the outlook was dim. Maddie survived. She lived! Her parents celebrated her milestones, enjoyed her company, and documented it all. Sadly, on Tuesday, Maddie passed away.

Life is full of miracles.

And today there are countless posts written about Maddie, people offering donations and services to Maddie's family, and walking in her honor.

A few months ago I was upset with myself for not walking for a charity event in 2008. It was one of my resolutions, but I couldn't decide what charity to walk for, after having done the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. What was I waiting for?

Since February I've been sitting on a post card from the March of Dimes. I even went over to the website a few times to check things out, but never did anything. What was I waiting for?

I suppose I needed a good kick in the butt to get things going. I've decided to walk in Naperville, on April 26th, in memory of Maddie and in honor of all those children I've met, at an older age, that I just couldn't believe they were born "too early".

If you'd like to make a donation go here. If you'd like to join me and walk with me, please join my team. I'd love to have some sort of post-walk celebration.

Some days

Some days it is possible to visit the insert-making-foot-doctor, have pictures taken with the Easter Bunny, shop for a dress, play at the indoor play spot in the mall, ride the little train, have lunch (at a real restaurant), have pictures taken at the Picture People, and grab a cookie all without a single meltdown and all before 1:00 (naptime). We came close, but no meltdowns.

Happy Monday!

Pull Toys

Well, it been quite some time since I featured one of my favorite toys on here. I absolutely love our pull toys. We have some ducks and some dogs. Both toys are wooden and neither one lights up. That was something I insisted on when asking for pull toys for Quinn when he was just starting to walk. Two years later and they're still getting plenty of use - and it's a good thing we have two!

Inverted ankles

That's one original title, if I do say so myself, eh?

I always find it difficult to write again after writing a post that I really like. I just want this post to stay up at the top forever. Plus I know what I'm going to write about today can't sound so beautiful. Well, it probably could, but I can't make that happen.

But anyway...

so today I had to take Quinn to the foot doctor, because he's been complaining about his inserts (you can read more about this here) and we had them adjusted, but still, he's been complaining.

After an hour wait, that's right, one entire hour - half in the waiting room the other half in the exam room, but all with an almost 2 year old and a 4 and a half year old - anyway, after an hour wait we finally saw the doctor.

Two things:

Quinn's heel/foot/ankle still hasn't straightened itself out yet, which usually happens by now. Surgery is a possibility. They don't talk about surgery until after a child is 4, because they want to wait to see if it fixes itself. Quinn is four and a half.

As for now, we have to go to the insert making doctor and have some soft inserts made. Now that Quinn is older, and can actually run and jump more like a kid and less like a toddler, the inserts are probably too hard on his feet. The doctor would like me to have him wear his hard inserts as often as possible, but when he's out playing and jumping around to have him wear the soft ones. I think the doctor only had girls, because trust me, even when I think Quinn is just going to be playing nice and calm, he's running and jumping at least part of the time.

So the surgery. Yeah. After 3 months we're going to go back to this doctor to have some x-rays taken and talk about the possibility of surgery. I'm not freaking out yet. Ask me again in July.